And if you fail well then you fail but not to us

It's a struggle to survive. We all know that and if you don't then you are going to learn. It's easier if you just confront the fact that things will be hard. Putting up a fight on two fronts is too much work. Focus all that energy into what you want to do and who you want to be. We're all going down in flames.

I can see the hours tick away like steady bass drum beats. I keep an eye on it so I know when I need to feed. I could be consumed by my bed, collecting sores on my elbows from all the reading I've been doing. Books worth of reading. Coming to the end of this part of my life I get more serious. It only makes sense because I started it careless. I'm getting down to brass tacks and I'm seeing just how useful all this time is being spent. Don't believe anyone, especially your parents, when they tell you that academics is the most important thing. The law of proportions is the greatest thing. There are no absolutes. You have to weigh your academic life with your social life with your spiritual life. Bad exam? Let it roll off your fucking shoulder. There are more important things than worrying what went wrong.

If I've learned anything, it's that things will work out. There is a path that you will take that passes through a place the size of the eye of a needle and there is no way you can see that path from anywhere but in it. Like navigating trails in the woods at night with no light. You will most likely make it back to your car if you don't freak out. Just take your time and your feet will find the way. The path become visible a foot or so from where you stand.

Now you've waded through my philosophical shit storm. Here's your reward. Horrorscope:

What is blasted red with blue streaks and black prickly pores? You after the accident you're going to have today. Insert deep throated gurgle of a laugh. Pick up your bag for the day and dump as much confidence in it because if you don't make the day yours, you'll be trotted over for the rest of your life. Think long and hard (long... hard...) about what you really want to do. Now that you have that in your mind, forget being able to do it because you won't. Fate takes one thing in allowing you to escape its gnarly claws and that is the thing you want most in the world. Suck it society. Fate wins again.

And if you see an owl every night, don't get hypnotized. If you don't believe me watch The Fourth Kind.

Wondering how the hell you just got through that mess,
LQ

At least I'm not as sad as I used to be

So I was out of milk for a while. My life just isn't worth living if I can't have my milk. But while I was restocking on milk, no, when I was piling the groceries into my car I sat down and knew I'd blown another chance and I thought, "I just blew another chance." It was funny in my head. Thinking something and then thinking it. I can see today isn't going to be a good joke day. Well, lets just get this over with then.


Have you ever felt like an unreliable narrator? If you answer no, then you are currently an unreliable narrator. I totally change the appearance of things or more importantly just gloss over things I can't handle. I do it all the time. There is some other world out there where I'm not funny and completely important for everything to work. I don't want to live there. And I know you don't want to live there. I mean, come on. You're reading my blaug. My stupid thoughts and ramblings haphazardly typed out. Your whole life is just to puff me up. Oh so you think you aren't going to read this again. I really got to you there. I'm not sorry. I warned you. This is a dangerous place. You may get pricked. You may not like it. You may want to leave immediately. You will read true genius. (I don't actually believe that. But this is my world so fuck you.)

Let's get down to those brass tacks you've been waiting so long for. Horrorscope time:

The sea will boil. Just a small part. Tiny. Maybe in someone's pot on their stove. Don't fucking look at me like that. It is definitely going to happen. Oh you think you can do better. Well go for it. Yeah I'll wait.










What? You've got nothing. I figured. So just take it like a good little animal. Oh yeah.
Where was I? Something about the rings of jupiter? We'll just run with it I guess. So the rings... are small. And they go around the planet. So that means you could call your mom. Or she'll turn into the great red spot of a storm. This isn't really that hard. I don't know why you couldn't do it. Blah blah blah, don't drink the second glass of water. And look out for motorcycles. Especially you Steve. Oh man you're in big trouble.

Look out for the next one. I think I will do some word combinations. Some hyphenations. It could be funny. What's a few minutes out of your life? Just don't smoke any and you'll be fine.

Looking out for you (but not right now. I'm on break.),
LQ

Stick up for yourself, son. Never mind what anybody else done.

I'm back and not dead. The rumor isn't true. Don't look at these words like that. You thought it too. Fucker. But I'm back. Back from life changing events and sickness. Something dark and deep down in my lungs. Something to reach down near my bootstraps and pull out. But I'm nearly better and currently overflowing with--whatever the hell I usually have. Fuck it I'm loosing steam.

Immense mountains of degrading activities focused at girls peer pressured into doing something their fathers would keel over dead if they found out has uncovered a bit of interesting fact: I still have a soul. After a while I really began to get tired. There were guys jumping up and down and shouting and downing drinks and almost foaming at the mouth and if they had had tails they would have been wagging like crazy. The ocean was great. But even it started getting upset and the tempest reared its ugly head.

My bleeding esophagus and brown-paper-bag lungs thanks you for waiting for your poison. Horrorscope:

You're going to loose someone very important to your life today. I'm feeling generous, so they will come back a few hours later. Don't spend too much time watching TV this weekend. You'll really get some people hating you. Try outside. Its wonderful. Those of you that have allergies starting up again. Watch out. Nature really hates you now and is all in for trying to kill you off. Too much littering? Or is it that you're too weak to survive, but medicine is really helping out. You're doomed this year for sure.

That's the end of this one. I'm gonna go knot up my core and intravenously drink some OJ.

Seeing the end of the tunnel, and there's teeth around the edges,
LQ

Far too calculated

So I promised it and here it is. I'll try to keep my spelling up to par as I go on this drunken tirade. Thank gaud for spell checker. But earlier today my friends and I were sang to by a half dressed greenman who then proceeded to tell us his life problems. Awkward doesn't quite cut it.

Here I am now, trying to sober up in three hours. It should happen. If not, I can fake it a little. But I should be fine.

I have a problem with incompetence. It nags at me like a stirred up horse that thinks your legs are made of oats. I feel like everyone should only be able to sink down into their lowest level of social participation. After that you just shouldn't be allowed to drink any more. You know who you are.

I also have a problem with dependancy. Fucking just work it out on your own. It pisses me off when someone can't do something without someone else there. That is vague. But dependancy drives me nuts.

So I just fell asleep there...

If only the sand can come sooner. I am begging to find it in places that it should not be. I'd like to spit it out of my mouth when I fall after laughing too hard at someone bailing on a failed hand stand. I crave it. Warmer waters. Bring it on sharks. I'll pull you out of the water and watch you suck air in through your gills and kick your sides.

So I am going to be working on a comedy of a couple during the moon's explosion and they just so happen to have small super powers. I think I can write it pretty quickly and decently in a good amount of pages. I just hope it's funnier than this. Sorry, I didn't think I'd be this boring while drunk. I'm better in person I guess.

Eyes on the prize. Horrorscope.

Life will hit that seventh ring of hell. The kind where you think if can only get better than this. Sad news. There's an eighth ring. And you're going there. I saw the memo. Venus is on the rings this month, so you'll most likely end up with a crushed spirit no matter what you do. Win a hard game? Nope. It will just feel too easy. Or someone else let you win. Fail at something. Well that is self-explanatory. Meanwhile nothing you eat will sit well with you. Provide for lots of digestion time and bathroom breaks.

Just don't paint me as a lier.

At the bottom of the lake,
LQ

Slowed Down Trip To Hell

Tomorrow is the much awaited day of drinking green beer all day long. I can't partake much until the evening hours, but I say have at for everyone else. Huzzah! It will be a day of debauchery. A day of drunken fools and bad mistakes and green vomit everywhere. Paint that city green.

One more day of horror and I'm off to the southern states for a week. Tomorrow starts the slowed down trip to hell. It's what I like to call the aftermath of spring break. When we all get back and wonder what the fuck we've done with our lives and where the hell we're going. Match that with graduation and papers and books stacking up and I'm going to grow another beard in two days just to pull it out. Technically, I'll be free at 10:45 tomorrow morning. But really that just means I'll have a week to let things get backed up. Walking to get my faux diploma (because they mail them out now) just seems like an odd dream. But it's coming much faster than I know. And beyond it is the world. Will I be able to leave a mark? Will I be able to get anything published? I should do more work on that honestly. Will anyone ever read this and think, I didn't know my favorite author maintains a terrible blaug. I can only hope so. So many things I want to do. I'm just not good enough at anything to be able to do them.

So with that I feel like I've led you astray. Hey these aren't funny, bearded freak! Fuck off. I'm doing the best I can.

Did you look away? Did you! You better keep those eyes on that mother fucking prize. Little shit. Horrorscope.

The sky will seem more gray than usual. But behind it is sunshine. Don't struggle with it. You won't be able to see it. Give in to the grey (I don't know which to use so I used both). Let it seep into your bones. Then one day it will break out of you. Like a bright torch in the middle of a dark alley; illuminating everything. Oh fuck though. Turns out there is a big dog in the alleyway and he wants your balls (ovaries if you're a girl). He probably wouldn't have cared if it were still dark. Oops. Time to run bitch.

I wonder just how much of my time I might be wasting writing something that no one reads. Not even me, after they are said and done. I think I might do a drunk post tomorrow. Ya know, to fully celebrate the holiday. Good luck green team.

Read too far ahead in the book of his life and is wondering, should I wait to catch up or just keep reading ahead to see what's going to happen, or just read ahead to see what decision I'll make,
LQ