switching focus

So I've recently gotten a job. I went through what felt like a million steps. I believe that is just how things are heading now. With so many unemployed and applying for the job they want to screen as many people as possible before the interview and get the very best employee. To succeed in the job market now, you have to have the professional skills and know how to communicate them. Thankfully at my last job I learned those. If anyone is interested in what I did in the process to get a better idea of what to expect, let me know. I'll post it as an entry.

For all of those that are unemployed, keep trying. Just like the title of my blog, you have to try again tomorrow. You have to make wise decisions and be up to date on the information out there. You are going to step on your own foot and get caught with a foot in your mouth. Roll with it. If you are doing all the right things then it is only a waiting game.

Good luck to everyone.
More to come.
I think.
Probably.
Well it depends on how much time I'll have.
And other things.
Whatever.

LQ

I Hope, I Hope, I Hope There's Something Wrong

So, still without a job. Job quest begins today. The plan: apply to the many jobs that I've bookmarked online. Later, adventure out with a list of places to get applications from in town. Anything is better than this. After working for like 7 or 8 years straight, this dry spell just confuses me.

I've got several new projects to take up some time. Introducing a dog into a house with cats. And relearning how to crochet so I can make a lot of sweet thermal layers for winter. I might also open my own sweat shop that includes just me.

And finally, figure out how to write comedy. I was in really terrible places emotionally when I've wrote the things that I have. With heartache comes laughter? My brain doesn't work like normal. Or many it's my defense mechanism to crack jokes (and not good ones... most of the time) at things that I don't understand, or are troubling. It makes it look like I don't get bothered by anything. I'll let you in on a secret. It does. Bother me that is. The way to tell is isolation. The more I attempt to be by myself, probably the more I am having a problem.

As it turns out, all my stories that would be comedy (because they fail at that) are also sad. Because what's more painful than being sad? Laughing when you don't want to. Maybe. Or is that not right? Maybe I just flirt with melodrama and laugh it off. Whatever it is I'm not breaking any barriers. I'm just helping establish the nerd heartache and the crushing defeat always around the next corner and cracking jokes to cover up the pain. Not sad enough? Still feeling good about yourself? Well try reading the story by Lorrie Moore with the baby that has cancer. Actually, I'm currently reading that. Puzzle pieces start to fit now.

Too many things on your mind, fleshling,
LQ

never mind that stuff from before because tomorrow I don't care

It was finally a stressful dream that later in life I will say changed everything. I'd say that it opened my eyes, but that is just too cliché. Because it really happened. Trouble sleeping was my problem, I would like to add in that future conversation with I don't know, some large magazine reporter (we'll say the Rolling Stones just to move on). But I didn't have the normal sleeping problem. Everyone that has a problem getting enough sleep please look away. I got too much sleep. With nothing to do you'd think that would be okay. It was for a while. I caught up on sleep, but then over did it. It was an addiction, one I couldn't control. You're thinking, oh you don't have a problem. Look at the rest of us with our problems. No. Fuck that. My blog, my old problem. Suck it.

Right, so slept too much. I would have the miraculous ability to operate my cell phone, working as my three alarms, in such a way to make all the alarms turn off. I still don't know how I did it. But off it would go and back to sleep I would go. My day became a short afternoon and evening event, often missed. I would stay up late in the night to get my fix of hours for the day. That didn't help. I'd just sleep later.

So what did I do? you ask (or really it's the reporter. Go along with this). How can I help all those people with the same problem? Get something to do. A job or something that means that you have to get up. But that isn't what happened to me. I had a stressful dream. Not a bad dream. Just tough. Let me explain.

I had recently gotten a job that I'd applied for not long ago (not in real life). I was going through some training with everyone and man was it boring. I remember there was a bathroom/locker room that I'd learned was coed after doing half of my business that morning. But the training was a mix of things you'd probably learn in all your classes the first year of college. I distinctly remember learning about several different bunching of countries in Europe being called the big three or something similar. None of the countries were bigger than Rhode Island I'd say. I was ridiculously thirsty, having done some exercises the day before, but not being able to remember what I did. I was approached by this supervisor whom was worried about my retention of the topics discussed. Apparently, I was suppose to learn the countries and names of the grouping. But it was lunch time so I took off. Turns out I was in Chicago. I think it was the University of Chicago where this was happening. But I left and began running to find some food until I realized I went the wrong way or something and needed to get back. Really short lunch. Also, at this time it became clear to me that if I were to have a girlfriend, we'd be able to have a super power. (what the hell does that even mean?) A friend of mine and his romantic companion could turn greenish and do something. I can't remember now. Another friend of mine and his "better half" could turn to stone. Unfortunately, he didn't know and turn to stone in front of a bus, which knocked him over and he broke. It was okay though. He turned back fine. Just had to have the pieces touching. So I decide to go back. Only I don't remember where it was. I remember a Gordon Street very familiar (in the dream). Couldn't find it. Chicago in my dream was built on a mountain. A friend then glided down on a parachute next to the road where I was. I told him my predicament. We began to run looking for it. That's when I tried to use my phone to locate where I had to go. And then I woke up. But after having been able to work my phone in my dream.

Bam. 8 o'clock. Couldn't go back to sleep. I tried. So I'm up. And I found a new leaf. Thought I might turn it over. You know, see what might be on the side.

LQ

The sea is just a wetter version of the sky

Funny. The day does revolve around me. Like I'm king (in a world with no responsibilities because normal kings get up really early with lots of responsibilities) my alarm and the world let's me sleep for as long as I want. Now lately I've been combating that. Come on. Getting up post noon (also called afternoon to squares) sounds cool for a while, but eventually you realize you'd have to stay up to 6am to get in all the hours that the day owes you. I didn't have this problem before. A job and school made sure that I was working early or tired enough to go to bed by 2am. How much sleep does my body need and how much does it want. It's a glutton. It's even taken to trick me in my dreams or leave me so confused I have no better response than to fall back to sleep after I stop that annoying sound. 

I'll jump more into the ways my mind plays tricks--well, on itself really. Subconscious me and conscious me are at a life long batter. Subconscious me always wants more time, and I've always had something I had to do. But now I want to get up early (early for me, probably not for you). My dreams as of late have become more and more complex. And not just space opera-ey epics, but closer to reality. Sometimes believable, sometimes not. But my mind has a new weapon, or it has just discovered a weapon. Rarely in my past, dreams planted false memories to make the dream believable. I've even thought that the logical part of my brain makes up the memories to compromise with the subconscious dreams. But that just means that the subconscious has gotten to the logical part of my brain which puts it on that side of the war. 

Not too many fake memories before a month ago. Some had gone undiscovered for years. Crazy. Things that I wouldn't normally think about but made up who I am weren't even real. Nothing too crazy. But this last month has seen a huge increase. Almost every dream has them. The dreams usually aren't the normal dream either. They are these huge sprawling stories with landscapes bigger and more detailed than George Lucas could hire a team to design and use to ruin a classic movie. Sometimes the memories have nothing to do with the dream, so that could be my subconscious just saying, "Fuck you." Or it could be from a dream that I don't remember. 

It can take up to an hour to figure out what was planted when I wake up. But it leaves the rest of the day feeling really weird and unbelievable. It makes for an annoying morning at dissecting the coolness out of my reality. But my reality is still cool. Really.

Horrorscope, time to shine:

As saturn aligns you'll realize that you're in the matrix. Don't jump off the roof though. You're not unplugged and don't know how to do it.

Or Jupiter will show you that it's a government conspiracy that you've lived an awesome life--too awesome--and now your memory has to be erased because other people will be jealous only it didn't work all the way and memories sneak back through dreams.

I wonder if anyone takes me seriously. Dumpster fodder.

With only two settings: fast and whoa, what was that;

LQ

Bumble, had a rumble, then I fumbled down the stairs

Life. It's all about relaxing. Either the act of or the things that get in the way. For some people relaxing comes naturally. The younger, generally the easier. But other people just get too worked up over the simple things and they become burdened by so many small choices that they feel trapped.

Most of what people do is so that they can finally relax one day. I don't want to have to be 75 with both hips replaced and all the other joints going out. Why wait? I'm not saying quit your job and go buy a hammock. Well, I can of am saying that. Get the kind that is all cloth. The intertwined rope ones hurt if you lay on it without a shirt. But really. The job. Drop it. And let me have it. Obviously you want to relax more than go to work. So I decide we switch. And you should believe me. I'm better at doing the math than you.

I'm a little pissed at automobile racing. I think it is one of the biggest culprits for all the wrong things that happen on the roads. First. I don't condone the use of all the fuel. What are you doing with it? Going in circles. But you say, "Oh but they are going really fast." To that I say fuck that. Speed up people running. Not only are the participants generally fair, but it doesn't stress on people that they have to get somewhere the fastest that they can. Nascar has to be one of the worst. The drivers hit each others cars and pit crew when they are stopping in. That's just stupid. This brings me to my next point. Okay, so maybe, maybe, automobile racing is a sport, a boring one, but the drivers definitely aren't athletes. Do they train by sitting in a chair all day?

Ladies and gentlemen, eyes on that prize,
the horrorscope:

It'll be brilliantly beautiful outside (but what does that actually mean? You could say that about anything). Your energy will hum (again man, you aren't actually saying anything concrete). Something will go right for you today (now that's just vague). But don't go to the bank today, because there will be a robbery and you'll by the hostage he takes home, and it turns out that he's also a murderer, so you'll be done for sure and kept in a freezer in pieces for a while (now that's more like it: concrete).

Well that's it for now. I'll keep my eyes open for something else to piss me off. Until then, folks. Major Mediocre is signing off. Just hope the next blog isn't about you...

threats are commonplace to me,
LQ

Lately I've been on my back

I'm starting to understand why no one reads this. I don't even want to read it. This blaug has lost its way. And now it's time to find the road back home. I keep talking about me. That's not cool.

It's been surreal going from job and school down to nothing really. I'm a plague on my own bank account. I've consistently held at least one job for seven and a half years. Well, minus the occasional spring break trips and the new york new years trip. I can remember life without a job. But I was always hanging out with friends and even then I still had school. High school doesn't count that much. The amount of trying in high school doesn't even register on the low side of that of college. To use a simile, it would be like being shown to throw a left jab and then putting you in the ring with a professional boxer. Toast. You adapt or you get the fuck knocked out of you.

So school is over. The job I've had for about four years has ended. I've moved to a new place in the same town. Life goes on. And you quickly learn to fill the day with things including a full nights sleep. I'm becoming productive. I have a list of things on my computer that I keep hacking away at. But life is a tightrope until I can get a job. I really have no room to misstep.

But I can feel the putrid connotation of school starting to bleed out of me. It feels good. I know I'll try to go back to attempt an MFA. But until then I have a lot of learning to do. And right now plenty of time to do it. I just have to keep expenses penned down until I can land some sort of financial pillow.

So this is me being real. And hopefully I'll have something funny to say next time.

horrorscope (oh I didn't forget about you),

Get outside. It's fantastic out there after too many days to remember of rain and gloom and cold. Do everything you can now, because soon the clouds will be rolling in. Your life will once again be hampered in with the walls seemingly crushing everything down on you. That tiny cubicle that you were so happy about is growing legs and stretching forth to the sky. You've sought your own cage, America.

Sometimes I wonder just how far this country will go.

And then it goes farther.

Taking the paint off,
LQ

Now I'm back

Yes. The triumphant return. The return that no one will know because no one will read this. So I've just graduated. And life looms ahead of me. Class free, for a while. I want to take me BA of creative writing up and down the roads and tell people that if I could do it, so can they. But they all can't do it. If they could college would be mandatory. And if they did it would make my degree worth less. So while I'm not as stressed (if you could tell) or pissed, I'm still looking out for number one. So I'll tell everyone how hard it is and how much they probably shouldn't even try.

Some things just never change. Now that I don't have classes and don't have a job (don't make that face at me. I'm actively searching for one unlike the search for osama bin laden) I should have a lot of free time. But instead I fill it with things that aren't that important. But being bored might just be the death of me. It's a cyclic spiral down. And I'm wearing pants right now. In summer. Hold one. There. One problem fixed. Put on shorts. Now let no one say that I don't actively fix problems in my life.

Wouldn't it be cool to see mountains?

I'm going to start reducing how many times I do the horrorscope. simply because I may use up all the good ideas if no one reads this. That would be tragic. Preach. That one's for you KV. Right. I need to do something else.

To all you homeslices out there. Keep on trucking'.

Working it (trying to sell myself),
LQ

Do or do not. There is no try.

Great words from Yoda. In the end trying and maybe's don't add up to anything. They are failures. I'm sure I'll have more failures in my life. For God's sake, I'm not perfect people (no matter how much you hold me to a higher standard I have faults too). Like one is extremely dry hands. Gross. So for fucks sake, let's start that jedi training already.

It's the job market. It's looming. And I don't like what I hear. Fuck what I hear. Do or do not. I will got a job. Maybe not the first one I apply for. Maybe not the second. Or the third. Or the fourth. The fifth. Sixth. Oh you get the picture. If there is one thing I've learned in school (fuck me it's been a lot of years in the education system) that is things will eventually work out. I know what you're thinking. You like it entirely too much when I curse. You and your sick, twisted mind. Whatever floats that boat of yours. And keeps you reading of course.

Imagine this. Grad school. In three or four years that is. All you youngster creative fucks that think you can write... I might eventually be your professor. Now that's a scary thought.

Hold on to your socks, Horrorscope,

Don't cause trouble. No one will have your back. And everyone will have the other person's back. You'll be royally fucked. (I'm attempting to get in all the fucks that I missed during my hiatus). Go say hey to that person you like. But you'll totally be turned down. Like I said earlier. Do or do not. There is no try.

I didn't see any welcome back signs and I'm beginning to think I am the only one that reads this. And only when I type it out really. Growl.

Going to go ice by blistered fingers from typing and turning pages,
LQ

And if you fail well then you fail but not to us

It's a struggle to survive. We all know that and if you don't then you are going to learn. It's easier if you just confront the fact that things will be hard. Putting up a fight on two fronts is too much work. Focus all that energy into what you want to do and who you want to be. We're all going down in flames.

I can see the hours tick away like steady bass drum beats. I keep an eye on it so I know when I need to feed. I could be consumed by my bed, collecting sores on my elbows from all the reading I've been doing. Books worth of reading. Coming to the end of this part of my life I get more serious. It only makes sense because I started it careless. I'm getting down to brass tacks and I'm seeing just how useful all this time is being spent. Don't believe anyone, especially your parents, when they tell you that academics is the most important thing. The law of proportions is the greatest thing. There are no absolutes. You have to weigh your academic life with your social life with your spiritual life. Bad exam? Let it roll off your fucking shoulder. There are more important things than worrying what went wrong.

If I've learned anything, it's that things will work out. There is a path that you will take that passes through a place the size of the eye of a needle and there is no way you can see that path from anywhere but in it. Like navigating trails in the woods at night with no light. You will most likely make it back to your car if you don't freak out. Just take your time and your feet will find the way. The path become visible a foot or so from where you stand.

Now you've waded through my philosophical shit storm. Here's your reward. Horrorscope:

What is blasted red with blue streaks and black prickly pores? You after the accident you're going to have today. Insert deep throated gurgle of a laugh. Pick up your bag for the day and dump as much confidence in it because if you don't make the day yours, you'll be trotted over for the rest of your life. Think long and hard (long... hard...) about what you really want to do. Now that you have that in your mind, forget being able to do it because you won't. Fate takes one thing in allowing you to escape its gnarly claws and that is the thing you want most in the world. Suck it society. Fate wins again.

And if you see an owl every night, don't get hypnotized. If you don't believe me watch The Fourth Kind.

Wondering how the hell you just got through that mess,
LQ

At least I'm not as sad as I used to be

So I was out of milk for a while. My life just isn't worth living if I can't have my milk. But while I was restocking on milk, no, when I was piling the groceries into my car I sat down and knew I'd blown another chance and I thought, "I just blew another chance." It was funny in my head. Thinking something and then thinking it. I can see today isn't going to be a good joke day. Well, lets just get this over with then.


Have you ever felt like an unreliable narrator? If you answer no, then you are currently an unreliable narrator. I totally change the appearance of things or more importantly just gloss over things I can't handle. I do it all the time. There is some other world out there where I'm not funny and completely important for everything to work. I don't want to live there. And I know you don't want to live there. I mean, come on. You're reading my blaug. My stupid thoughts and ramblings haphazardly typed out. Your whole life is just to puff me up. Oh so you think you aren't going to read this again. I really got to you there. I'm not sorry. I warned you. This is a dangerous place. You may get pricked. You may not like it. You may want to leave immediately. You will read true genius. (I don't actually believe that. But this is my world so fuck you.)

Let's get down to those brass tacks you've been waiting so long for. Horrorscope time:

The sea will boil. Just a small part. Tiny. Maybe in someone's pot on their stove. Don't fucking look at me like that. It is definitely going to happen. Oh you think you can do better. Well go for it. Yeah I'll wait.










What? You've got nothing. I figured. So just take it like a good little animal. Oh yeah.
Where was I? Something about the rings of jupiter? We'll just run with it I guess. So the rings... are small. And they go around the planet. So that means you could call your mom. Or she'll turn into the great red spot of a storm. This isn't really that hard. I don't know why you couldn't do it. Blah blah blah, don't drink the second glass of water. And look out for motorcycles. Especially you Steve. Oh man you're in big trouble.

Look out for the next one. I think I will do some word combinations. Some hyphenations. It could be funny. What's a few minutes out of your life? Just don't smoke any and you'll be fine.

Looking out for you (but not right now. I'm on break.),
LQ

Stick up for yourself, son. Never mind what anybody else done.

I'm back and not dead. The rumor isn't true. Don't look at these words like that. You thought it too. Fucker. But I'm back. Back from life changing events and sickness. Something dark and deep down in my lungs. Something to reach down near my bootstraps and pull out. But I'm nearly better and currently overflowing with--whatever the hell I usually have. Fuck it I'm loosing steam.

Immense mountains of degrading activities focused at girls peer pressured into doing something their fathers would keel over dead if they found out has uncovered a bit of interesting fact: I still have a soul. After a while I really began to get tired. There were guys jumping up and down and shouting and downing drinks and almost foaming at the mouth and if they had had tails they would have been wagging like crazy. The ocean was great. But even it started getting upset and the tempest reared its ugly head.

My bleeding esophagus and brown-paper-bag lungs thanks you for waiting for your poison. Horrorscope:

You're going to loose someone very important to your life today. I'm feeling generous, so they will come back a few hours later. Don't spend too much time watching TV this weekend. You'll really get some people hating you. Try outside. Its wonderful. Those of you that have allergies starting up again. Watch out. Nature really hates you now and is all in for trying to kill you off. Too much littering? Or is it that you're too weak to survive, but medicine is really helping out. You're doomed this year for sure.

That's the end of this one. I'm gonna go knot up my core and intravenously drink some OJ.

Seeing the end of the tunnel, and there's teeth around the edges,
LQ

Far too calculated

So I promised it and here it is. I'll try to keep my spelling up to par as I go on this drunken tirade. Thank gaud for spell checker. But earlier today my friends and I were sang to by a half dressed greenman who then proceeded to tell us his life problems. Awkward doesn't quite cut it.

Here I am now, trying to sober up in three hours. It should happen. If not, I can fake it a little. But I should be fine.

I have a problem with incompetence. It nags at me like a stirred up horse that thinks your legs are made of oats. I feel like everyone should only be able to sink down into their lowest level of social participation. After that you just shouldn't be allowed to drink any more. You know who you are.

I also have a problem with dependancy. Fucking just work it out on your own. It pisses me off when someone can't do something without someone else there. That is vague. But dependancy drives me nuts.

So I just fell asleep there...

If only the sand can come sooner. I am begging to find it in places that it should not be. I'd like to spit it out of my mouth when I fall after laughing too hard at someone bailing on a failed hand stand. I crave it. Warmer waters. Bring it on sharks. I'll pull you out of the water and watch you suck air in through your gills and kick your sides.

So I am going to be working on a comedy of a couple during the moon's explosion and they just so happen to have small super powers. I think I can write it pretty quickly and decently in a good amount of pages. I just hope it's funnier than this. Sorry, I didn't think I'd be this boring while drunk. I'm better in person I guess.

Eyes on the prize. Horrorscope.

Life will hit that seventh ring of hell. The kind where you think if can only get better than this. Sad news. There's an eighth ring. And you're going there. I saw the memo. Venus is on the rings this month, so you'll most likely end up with a crushed spirit no matter what you do. Win a hard game? Nope. It will just feel too easy. Or someone else let you win. Fail at something. Well that is self-explanatory. Meanwhile nothing you eat will sit well with you. Provide for lots of digestion time and bathroom breaks.

Just don't paint me as a lier.

At the bottom of the lake,
LQ

Slowed Down Trip To Hell

Tomorrow is the much awaited day of drinking green beer all day long. I can't partake much until the evening hours, but I say have at for everyone else. Huzzah! It will be a day of debauchery. A day of drunken fools and bad mistakes and green vomit everywhere. Paint that city green.

One more day of horror and I'm off to the southern states for a week. Tomorrow starts the slowed down trip to hell. It's what I like to call the aftermath of spring break. When we all get back and wonder what the fuck we've done with our lives and where the hell we're going. Match that with graduation and papers and books stacking up and I'm going to grow another beard in two days just to pull it out. Technically, I'll be free at 10:45 tomorrow morning. But really that just means I'll have a week to let things get backed up. Walking to get my faux diploma (because they mail them out now) just seems like an odd dream. But it's coming much faster than I know. And beyond it is the world. Will I be able to leave a mark? Will I be able to get anything published? I should do more work on that honestly. Will anyone ever read this and think, I didn't know my favorite author maintains a terrible blaug. I can only hope so. So many things I want to do. I'm just not good enough at anything to be able to do them.

So with that I feel like I've led you astray. Hey these aren't funny, bearded freak! Fuck off. I'm doing the best I can.

Did you look away? Did you! You better keep those eyes on that mother fucking prize. Little shit. Horrorscope.

The sky will seem more gray than usual. But behind it is sunshine. Don't struggle with it. You won't be able to see it. Give in to the grey (I don't know which to use so I used both). Let it seep into your bones. Then one day it will break out of you. Like a bright torch in the middle of a dark alley; illuminating everything. Oh fuck though. Turns out there is a big dog in the alleyway and he wants your balls (ovaries if you're a girl). He probably wouldn't have cared if it were still dark. Oops. Time to run bitch.

I wonder just how much of my time I might be wasting writing something that no one reads. Not even me, after they are said and done. I think I might do a drunk post tomorrow. Ya know, to fully celebrate the holiday. Good luck green team.

Read too far ahead in the book of his life and is wondering, should I wait to catch up or just keep reading ahead to see what's going to happen, or just read ahead to see what decision I'll make,
LQ

Beneath the floorboards, evermore

The day of reckoning has come and passed and nothing special happened. I'm still in my room and still doing required reading. Progress on my story. I've figured out what exactly I want to write about. Now I will just have to reach deep down in me and rip it out. And maybe redo it modeling after someone else's style since the first draft will be bad. Will be tearful. Will be vomit-inducing.

A step is sometimes required when even on an escalator. Maybe people are pushing from behind, or maybe you just need to steady yourself. It's one of those times. It's a step that I want to take. No. It's a step that I already want to have taken, but am stricken mute and immobile. It's a dangerous sort of step. It can be taken too early and sealed your fate like when Captain Hook points that guy out in the crowd to get put in the chest with scorpions. Or is that a different movie? Fuck the life out of me, it's tough to do this. I weigh the options. I know what I'd want to do. But a massive expansion of distance is very likely in the near future. And then I think: not me? Not what I am. I'm no good. This weekend will not be long enough.

Things. and things. and things and things and things and things. You can't feel my tension. I'm not that good in allowing others to see it through my word-vision.

Fuck it, get it over with. I fucking hope your eyes are stuck to this prize. Horrorscope:

The answer to your question will be yes. But, fuck me running, you'll think no is better. Later in the day you'll assume your first choice was better. But who are you to decide anything? Mars is in retrograde, so that means it looks like its going the opposite direction it usually goes. Other than that, it means nothing. Not a single thing. Except that the solar system is sun oriented. Oh, suck it Aristotle. Don't be a prick. A wonderfully crazy homeless man will eat your genitals if you are in a really horrid way. Because just eating your genitals isn't anything special nowadays. I mean with Saw, we've seen just about everything we can.

If I had better things to do than spend time on this would I tell you?
Yes I would.
And I do.
Have better things to do, that is.

Getting sores on my elbows and knees and everywhere from reading so much,
LQ

Lazy gun messed up my television fun

So planning... it really sucks. Looking for a career and planning to do homework. Ugh. Why is life so hard? Nonsense. I don't really plan for the radio show I do at 11pm on fridays. www.redhawkradio.com. Check it out in a couple of hours. 11pm eastern standard time. Um, New York time. It's fun. I just goof off with someone else. And play music and play games. I'm also planing to do a spring triathlon with a relay team. But life knows how to throw curve balls. In fact, life only throws straight so that you miss the curve ones which are what life is all about. Lastly, I'm planning to put a or some cartoons as other pages on here. Because they are cool and I want to give it a try. But I need to be less busy to do that. 

Another weird dream. Chica check it out.

My family was looking at buying a new house. My friend was with me. The only reason that I could imagine that he'd be there was because it was a sweet house. So it was in the mountains. There aren't any mountains around for hundreds of miles. In fact, I've never really seen a mountain before (for reals. Life for reals). But this was way up in the mountains and it was windy and awesome. There are only my parents and two brothers. But strangely I didn't see my parents there in the house at all. Anyways, a family (big family) lived in the house and was looking to sell it. I had all the keys and was looking around. Huge living room and kitchen. There were three bathrooms next to each other. I thought that was weird. And only one was normal. The other two looked like what you'd find in a really fancy locker room. Multiple showers and everything shiny and chrome. I thought that was odd, but shrugged it off and checked out the rooms. They were all upstairs. But first I came upon these really small doors on the steps. Tiny. I unlocked them, but there wasn't anything there so I kept going. The rooms were all pretty cool, smallish, but pretty sweet designed. Each one had a different atmosphere about it. Like my brain came up with specific people with specific personalities to design them. I remember one really well, it had a really small alcove that almost looked like a closet was there except the back wall was only a few inches back. But the kid had made a cd rack to fit in it and there were tons of cds and that made me really happy. I forget most of the other rooms. But the master bedroom was odd. It was at the very top. The third or fourth floor. I couldn't keep track. There were a lot of bedrooms. But it looked old. Huge bed. And tons of windows looking out each directions. And one side down the back at a huge cliff and you could see the wind whipping the show around and could feel it pound the house. Then I couldn't find my friend and someone from the other family said that they saw him leave. And I wondered why and how since we were up in the mountains. 

Don't call me boring when I'm just not in the mood. Horrorscope:

Play anything serious and you'll break a bone. Saturn is flipping you off so your bones will be brittle. Also, I don't really like you, (that's an overarching statement. I might like you. Just fucking give me a chance) so you'll have to work hard this week to not feel like a lazy sack of garbage. Sorry. And since I'm wondering about what I want to do with life, you are going to go through a phase where you won't know if what you're doing is what you want to do. Hey, it's only fair. 

So there's this new frozen yogurt place in town. It's awesome. 

burning up with rage from the cold,

LQ

My dreams are ever so tempting

I've got a story to write this weekend along with everything else in the world that I have to read. But the story is the big one. I keep throwing ideas around and refuting them. I want to write a "funny" story, but I haven't been able to reproduce that style in a while. It's about as frustrating as finding a house made of candy and food and not being able to eat it because it's your best friend's parent's house and when they see you outside they take you in and tie you up in the oven and realize that your best friend and his family are going to sink their teeth into you after you finish cooking.

Meanwhile on the front lines of the dream world (or should I say the air lines):

So this one has only a couple weird elements. I'm hanging out with some friends and we're drinking and the party is about over. Everyone seems to be settling down and getting tired. The "house" or room is actually in an airplane. Something like a huge commercial jet. 747 or so. I'm lying on one of the couches just relaxing. So then this other plane pulls up next to us. Logically it could be fueling us up. Illogically it could be a delivery plane or just some neighbors. Anyway, here is the weird part. While I'm still on the couch the dream changes point of view. Most of my dreams are in 3rd person, usually the "camera" right behind my head. At least that's how I remember them. So the "camera" takes off from me and shows this girl down at the tail end of the room. She opens the door to the outside. Nothing crazy happens like the air being sucked out. It's just kind of windy. But the plane across from us has its door down too and the "camera" switches again to this other guy in the doorway of the other plane. He is motioning for her to come across. A couple of other people jump across to the other plane. I should say that the planes are maybe ten feet away from each other. And the doors open down so that you walk across them. There's a small jump in the middle between the two doors. So she declines a few times. and she starts shutting the door. It's automatic by the way. And he says something that she doesn't hear so she steps out on the door as it's folding up and gets caught between the door and the plane. She still says that she won't go. The door opens and she gets back in the plane and shuts it again.

That's pretty weird I'd say for my dream to leave boring old me. It's my dream. If my dream camera doesn't stick with me I don't know what will. And I control it (subconsciously, but still). I think what this dream is trying to tell me is to remain more in control when getting drunk. Right. Don't let my consciousness float off to check out something else.

How are you feeling? Ready for the icing on the cake? Horrorscope:

You'll be tied up in bureaucracy all day. Yours and other people/companies/society's. You'll think there's no end. Then there will be an end. And you will want to celebrate. But just then you're in even more bureaucracy. Sucks to be you. It'll make the DMV look like drive thru at a fast food business. It isn't a restaurant. Restaurants sell things that generally won't kill you. Don't get on a boat. Jupiter is doing a cartwheel so the fluids in your ears will be messing up giving you bad balance. You'll end up like the guy in A Wonderful Life. Cold, one eared hearing, and a crazy man that follows you around saying he's an angel and for some reason no one knows who you are anymore.

You can do anything you want, but if other people don't like it they will do whatever they want to you.

my nights are more interesting than my days,
LQ

Dreaming in the evening and changing my sleep pattern

I'm so backwards. I woke up just now at 9ish something. It's dark outside which doesn't help. 9ish pm. But it's morning to me after a short night's (evening's) sleep. With all the work I've had to do lately my sleep schedule looks more like a skinny, uncoordinated, glasses-wearing boy after gym in the locker room of athletic-genius kids. Right. Worse than a semi-dried mud pie with one monster footprint in the center shooting that chunky mess out the sides. I guess.

So my evening dream was really weird. Me and this guy that I know (not sure exactly who it was, the presence was someone I know but the appearance changed) decided to take a ridiculously long walk if it were from and to where I think it is. Way outside of town. But exaggerated. The land was really hilly. Like something you'd see in a child's drawing when they just figure out how to make hills look like they continue forever into the distance. But also with small wooded areas. We were crossing a series of confusing railroad tracks. I say confusing because there were tons of sets of them and some that looked like they went nowhere. We ran into traffic on the road. I don't remember what the traffic looked like and yes it was weird since we were walking but we seemed to take up out own presence on the road. But we had stopped on tracks and I motioned for us to back up. Just in time because we then heard a train whistle. So for some reason when we started backing up we were in an off road vehicle. The "train" came around the corner. And it wasn't a train anymore. It was what looked like a texan on a camel. A lot of them actually. But they were really big. The camels themselves were really tall and their legs rivaled the youngish trees around for width and height. And their mouths were chewing way above our heads. I was terrified of the spit. The guy riding looked like a caricature of a texan from a cartoon. Only really tall and a little stretched with a really tall possibly 50 gallon hat. And when we started going again we were walking once more, but the setting was now an abandoned inner city. And we were there with two other guys with really sophisticated weapons that we got to pick like in a video game. There was some sort of alien presence that we were suppose to take out. Because I would be the best at fighting an alien invasion let alone one single alien. Right. Well I was the last thing between them and the army, which as anyone that's ever watched a movie can tell you that a small group of people are better at killing aliens than the whole military. So I picked a long gun with green lights on it and some red lit one that I knew could shoot automatically. I was suspicious of the leader. And quite like a movie as we were walking down a street, guns went off and dust and debris made seeing anything impossible. The group got taken out one by one leaving only the leader and I. I can't tell quite how this happened, but either he was an alien and started attacking me or we both were and didn't know or care that the other was one too. So the alien thing was a collection of alien-pieces that could form into shapes. He was one. And I started shooting. But he got close and hit me. I got him still. But then the army came rolling down the road and I took off running and when they started shooting I split apart into the pieces and more or less rolled as a collection down the road which I later thought was a little cliché of a collection of alien-pieces to do.

I have a weird mind. One that comes up with odd things or combines others to make bizarre combinations. And with that in the sack I'm guessing you're wanting to know what will happen to you tomorrow, right? Keep your roots in the ground. Horrorscope time.

You'll be sitting a lot lately making your back pain start up again. You'll notice or someone will tell you that you're taking too much medication. You'll also think, what does that mean? Too much? It means that at any given time your stomach is filled with more pills and bad tasting liquids than with actual food. Your liver hates you like your first grade teacher. But hold on because a break in the storm is coming which soon after you'll be able to bury yourself in muted feelings, McDonald's compressed fat (into burger-like shapes), too much work, and stress.

You might wonder just how far will I go? I know few limits.

Freaked out from the idea of outrageously large camels,
LQ

In the land of the weak and old, any punk can rule

Today I almost ripped an old man in half and broke his face. Well, at least I had the urge. Old Man Idiot thought driving right up behind me would be okay. I looked past it because I was on my way to class. Then after checking the intersection I started to go with Old Man Idiot right on my tail and indeed in my way. I've had just about enough of bad drivers lately. I really wanted to pull him out of his van and show him his car doesn't give him full reign on the road. I settled with yelling at his and shaking my fist. I'd have flipped him off but I had mitten-type gloves.

With that off my fist, I'd like to express my feelings on the melting surface of Hoth outside. It's wonderful. I full well know that cold doesn't exist, that it's the lack of heat or energy. And I'm not sure where I was going with that.

Keep pushing forward no matter the violence. Horrorscope:

You'll begin tired and it won't get better. You'll look forward to the weekend, but there will be hell to go through before those days arrive. Take a lot of risks and chances today. Anything to take your mind off your failing relationship. And drink. Drink like a fish. Life is going to be boring. Doodle during class/meetings. Just don't let your professor/boss see it because you're close to failing/getting fired.

Keep hunting those urban jungles.

Bringing down the house,
LQ

Honey, even if you knew what lies beyond that honeymoon

I never like starting another week. It's Monday again. Another Monday doing other Monday things. It's monotonous. Which has part of Monday in it. The worst part. The Mon- part. I usually try to be funny on this and in the least a bit witty, but today just isn't my day. And nothing really has gone wrong yet.

But, oh, it's dream time:

I was back in highschool, only it was everyone that I know now in the school. It wasn't my school either. But I could also run fast and jump high and otherwise be really agile. Which I needed to be, because there were tree people. They had branch-like arms and legs that could move like tentacles and they moved pretty quickly too. If they got a hold of you that would turn you into one of them. So the whole dream I was just being chased by this one tree person who had a hook on one arm, her right I think. The chase would go all through the school and stop when class started. Then start up again afterward. When school finally ended I ran into a large grocery store with really high shelving units and fruit stands. I was jumping all over the place trying to stay away and finally jumped over her onto the largest shelving which stood about 30 or 40 feet. I landed on the side and started to climb up. She was right below me. But the force of the landing started to tip it over and when I landed in a pile of grocery wreckage it was too late to get away. So I did the opposite thing. I grabbed her. And pulled her as close to me as possible. But for some reason she started pushing away from me. I couldn't understand this so I just pulled harder and finally I won and then immediately woke up and thought, "What the hell is going on in my head."

You've foolishly skipped ahead to read it. The prize and your eyes.

You'll wander around aimlessly for part of today. Things will seem normal but something, just one small thing that you can't put your finger on will be different. You'll be pushed around a bit by your boss about something that doesn't really even concern them. It's your project and deadlines they will try to impose will only hinder it. Really it has nothing to do with the company, its for the employees and you aren't even getting paid for it. Don't let them push you around about it. Take it up with them soon or you'll be forced into their vision without any creative say of your own. And somewhere some kids pet will die and the parents will tell them it went to a better place. A foolishly rotten underground sort of place.

For all things good, don't look ahead or to me for that matter.

fur bristled around the neck area,

LQ

We've got to go with what we're feeling

Well the end of winter is finally in sight. However, it's like one of those heat illusions on the road and no matter how fast you drive you can't catch up to it. We'll drag ourselves out of the cold and snow only to find we have frostbite on every extremity.

I'm pissed as hell about cars and how they deal with me on the road. Cyclists must abide all traffic laws that automobile drivers have. I'm not happy about some of those, but I can cooperate. What pisses me off is that in turn cyclists aren't treated well on the roads by the motorists. We obey the same laws. Treat us like another car. But nope. You get cars that turn in front of you, run you off the road, not signal and yell when they can't turn because you went straight and it seemed that they were going straight because they didn't have a turn signal, and just about everything else. Even with a bright flashing light right up in people's faces they choose not to care. Well here's my warning, because I've had enough of it. I will break your face. Just give me the opportunity.

Let's talk briefly about trying to get ahead in academic work. It's impossible. And then a very boring book is assigned and I pass out when I read it. So I'm stuck struggling with my work pulling me down like a new pair of boots from a couple mafia guys / concrete boots / long walk off a short pier. Sink. Drown. Oh sweet spring break save me from this monotony.

So you've waited. And waited. But I still like the phrase: Eyes on the prize. Horrorscope

Life will seem bleak at best, but really that's an understatement. Don't take out a loan today. You'll get screwed over in so many ways. You'll do your worst thinking today about decisions. So make al choices by shooting from the hip.  You will want to [re]define your religion today and you won't be able to stop thinking about it. You'll waste hours. And then come to the conclusion that nothing's changed and you shouldn't have done it. Oh and don't fucking wear green. Just don't do it. It'll be too horrible to say if you did. A relationship with someone will end. You need to make up your mind that if you were hungry and starving with no food, would you eat your pet dog. This will be important soon.

I should really spend more time on these things.

kicking ass and taking names,
LQ

Meanwhile somewhere outside the city

So I was standing in the sky's waste today and sinking. While it was warm enough to melt a little of the eskimo cocaine, it still was cold enough to bite the feeling right off my face. This is the year spring doesn't come. I completely understand it now. I feel like this every winter in February. But this time is different. The slate gray sky has sat down and sighed just like my father did after dinner in the lazyboy. I'm waiting for the snoring. We thought the snow was bad, but something far worse will shake us all to the core as it drops out of the sky.

In further and slightly less important news I've lost my faith in people... again. A brittle and silly thought that all people are inherently good can only survive so many horrors. Mine shattered like balsa wood. The dark side welcomes me. It always does. It knows that I'll be back. I stew around until I forget all the nasty things that happen and I walk back out into the world with an ignorant view only to be smashed once more by cruelty. What can I say? This world just wasn't built for me.

So eyes on the prize. Here it is: HORRORscope

You'll stumble upon something truly magnificent and brilliant and expensive, but you'll have no idea what it is and throw it away. A building or room you are accustomed to will no longer feel like home. Someone somewhere will die. And you will read this and think: how does he know all this stuff will happen? or this is specific or this really did happen. Nope. Just good guesses and a strong foundation in the norm. Also, you won't feel popular enough. Enough said.

Little aside to myself: no one is reading this.

Living in someone else's world,
LQ

do you really think I'll pull through?

Night after night of years and years of homework push me to the breaking point. It's the idea really. This incessant idea that as a student you must me constantly busy is bullshit to say the least. I feel that I would be much better at any of the work if I didn't have to do it so much. When it's overwhelming I shut down. And when it's wave after wave I tend to just do okay. I make enough of an effort to get me by because really I can't afford to slay my brain cells on something when just around the corner I'm going to have to do something else, probably a bigger project. I'm conserving my mental energy and keeping myself sane. Well not really.

Job time. Fuck me. I barely have time to prepare to apply for jobs. When I get handed my diploma (the only thing the mountain loads of my money has been going towards) and kicked out of this society I'll either find a job, a place to live, and a new life or I'll crash and burn. Hard.

The part you have all been waiting for. This entry wasn't funny, but I reserve the right to do whatever the hell I choose. Anyways, onto the horrorscope. And I'm feeling especially brutal tonight.

For people born on a Sunday or on the 3rd day of any month: You and all your possessions will come under attack today. You'll grab them and hold them tight because you honestly don't know how else to live. Unfortunately those things were metaphorically on fire and so you'll burn yourself. Fire will be attracted to you today so stay damp. Fairly easy for most people considering the percent of the population that's obese and how much they sweat just doing normal activities. Your lucky position will be horizontal. But you're not getting lucky because how damp you are. Oh and you'll be late for work and you're boss will ride you all day because of it.

Have fun with that one. They will get better I swear/hope.

we'll get it when it shows its ugly head,
LQ

I hate blogs. In fact I call them blauuuu(stick tongue out while making the same noise)uugs.

Welcome to your new addictive habit of checking this like you check your email and text messages for class cancelings when it's snowing enough to hide a small child. This is happening. I'm normally much more subtle and humble. But this is part of me telling you your future. So we'll start with a simple horrorscope. That's right. Real horror.

Tomorrow you'll feel tingly in some part of your body telling you that you've neglected it lately. Also, you'll feel inclined to find something to have sex with. Don't take many chances in the next few days because you'll fail them all. You are going to pass up a love opportunity, blissfully unaware the emotional turmoil it would have caused when (not if) it ended. Stop thinking in absolutes. Nothing is forever. Not even that single streak you've slipped into here lately and gained 5, 10, 30 pounds from pounding ice cream gallons and staying up late googling naked celebrities.

Suck it up. Read a good blog (heh heh) and go fuck off outside.

Feeling a little weirded out you staring at me so much,
LQ